We haven’t updated in a while. We will do better. We are still reeling from Cohutta beating Wes! To say this was a shock was like saying opposable thumbs have had a marginal influence on mankinds evolutionary ascendancy--an understatement and a half. To date, all Cohutta has ever done is been (perhaps) the most likeable Real World alum since Jamie from New Orleans (though Iraq vet from Brooklyn is an up and comer--but he needs to do some challenges to cement it). Now, he is officially a candidate for Next Great One status. He beat his ex-girlfriends meaty, arrogant boyfriend in a competition that, if it was a College Football game, would have been off the board in Vegas.
However, we got to thinking around the 4MJ offices and thought, if Cohutta is was underrated and is now properly rated, who is the most overrated cast member? Despite the fact that these people keep losing year in and year out, they still somehow think they are worthy of 1) being on the Challenge 2) are either “great competitors” or “have a lot of heart.” They are wrong
(in no particular order)
Adam: Adam is weak and small and repeatedly talks about his speed. Challenges are not track meets; unless you count running away from someone in a onesie (and we do). Despite being a veteran, Adam has refused to take PED’s to up his game, and that lack of commitment deserves scorn. Furthermore, Adam is officially CT’s bitch. You can’t be a bitch and consider yourself one of the best. Illogical.
Diem: Can you squander goodwill faster than Diem did? Only Jon Gosselin fell out of public favor faster. Originally Derrick’s inspiration, Diem hitched up with a nut bag, got into remission, and somehow lost athletic ability. Now that might be insensitive, but unless the Challenges involve hair flips, she’s losing.
Katie: Only female rival for crazy is Brooke. Only! Flies off the handle, chain smokes, and couldn’t run under a 10 minute mile if she were in a Saw sequel for her life. Also, gave us a HOF funny moment when she mentioned how she looks forward to marriage and starting a family. Remember kids, you don’t have to pass a test to reproduce. Say what you will about the People’s Republic of China, but they have some smart ideas (just sayin’)
Beth: Accepted the villain role right away. Made herself a household name with a genius “person everyone loves to hate” PR campaign. Fat. Old. Nothing else to say here.
Dunbar: Letdown city. Hasn’t done anything to date in the Challenges other than teach Kim about “techniques.” A giant meat head who was sexually assaulted as a child...why is he not an American version of Evan. Apparently for Dunbar, its all between the ears (or isn’t as it were). Lot of season left though and he could get out of this column if he wants.
MJ: Bought Nsync Justin Timberlake’s hair and started lifting. Came back on the last challenge to make money for his family and daughter and failed. Way to go. No college for Bella.
Robin: See Beth section, but she was once hot.
Julie: Mormon from New Orleans Real World who almost killed Veronica. No one remembers this, but Julie almost killed someone. In a (poorly conceived) challenge two competitors were connected to horizontal wire running between buildings and had to get the other off the wire to win. When they were knocked off, the loser was to fall many stories downward still connected to a harness and cable. When Julie competed against Veroncia, she decided to try and unhook the harness holding Veronica in mid-air rather than switch that was suppose to be the target of the game. If you ever wanted to see Dave Mirra not react to someone near death, see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_ng5-QUqC8. [Also, see the Miz cameo to see what greatness looks like]. Why is Julie overrated then? Cause that was her competition highlight, a draw against Veronica.
(Now in order)
#1: Coral: Coral has been carried to victories in challenges only because of her friendships/partnerships with the two greatest Challenge players of all time: Miz and Evan. I could be a forward in the NBA if I played with Steve Nash. Certianly, associating yourself with greatness is a smart move. But, she has no speed because of her massive breasts, she constantly gets injured, yet she considers it a birthright to keep advancing. The female Terrell Owens. All talk, no results. The worst kind of overrated.
The most likable roommate ever was Ace from Paris.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I might throw Aneesa into that mix. True, the ladies fear her, um, "power" in elimination rounds, but her performance in the Duel 2's final challenge was truly pathetic.
ReplyDeleteLastly, let it not be perceived that by categorizing Coral as overrated that we don't love her and desperately want her to return.